I was once alive

Each time I stop to think about how beautiful life is
I wonder about all my potential,
then tangential thoughts come pulling me off the tracks,
and I realize I lack the stamina,
Devotion is my neighbor
but all I savor is the experience
and the idea,
not the planning,
And theory is great,
for someone who sits alone at his desk
waiting for remarks of late to manifest themselves
in action, or inaction.
Now my mind is just mumbling,
like a studious schizophrenic,
I panic at the though of me losing my dreams,
when all the seams of the bubble clouds burst into nothing
but pockets of air suffocating me with all the fresh scents
of heart breaking reality.
It took me 20 rounds to realize life was a play
I will always be the same character,
except you can't joke when your turn comes,
'cuz you need to be serious, seriously
look at how the dice are rolled,
who controls the turning of the board,
Lord have mercy on me,
I'm wretched and I'm tired
but I want to play
I beg you,
fix my broken legs and we can pretend
like nothing happened,
and that only the flowers were coaxing me
below the dirt, and I will always remember
this old familiar smell
of dust and hurt.