desperate

i was called again after the firehouse ran out of water and the fellas were left to wring their acid guts for the beer they wasted on commradery and pleasure, when they got to me i was totally delusional, eating canned sardines and weeping into my own miserable ejaculate stains, while you slept so harmoniously, you feverish nude, with dreams of gardens and opium and garbage bag winters taking walks along the road and ridding the world of the trash it had created, but you slept nonetheless, soundly, the soft slosh of an almost empty three dollar bottle of wine titling upwards, down your throat, as you drank to the pillow, gnawing on the thought of food the nonstop reguritation of a birthday party celebration still ringing the balloon pops in your ears, remember when they were so young, and they shat themselves with a smile, the days were unbearably long but filled with the slight buzz of happiness, the neuroflood of scenes inside the screen when we held each other and slapped back the devil with another bow to the floor, splintered our heads and kept going because we were in love with the rhythmic motion of the prayer, the salutation you learn crossing the street, the monster you feed under the bed when the children go to sleep, to keep them disciplined, to force them to listen and to love you, the wildness of the thoughts as they grow in paranoia-rick soil, the mental ravine we all get caught in and eventually learn to orangutang our bodies through the vines, thorns, sleeping sloths, murder in the jungle, blood on the leaves, death hanging stealth deep in the bark of the trees, rings, again, rings again, faster than it can explode the thought is out of you, you called for me and i was awake waiting and nervous, but i'm here and none of what you said ever made sense to me, i was completely lost to begin with, stop.

Patholodge

Illinois darkness, winter approaches
flicks you in the face
as you step off the evening train,
cars packed tight on the street
and no one can see
the warmth beneath the eyes
hidden under long coats and hats
no pinkish cheeks swaddled by scarves
no color, only dark steel bodies
of rolling machines and it makes me
miss new york all the more
with the lights resuscitating the city
through the long winter, keeps it
beating with amphetamine IV deep
in the core of the beast, all of it
working together all the time
all the time, faster than a thought.

prospects/delusions

I saw a beautiful girl sit all alone on the train and i had not the courage, not the impetus to tell her i loved her, though i did not know her and though i did all the same, she was calm as the moon, delicate as piano notes, equally pale but a woman i could keep, her hair shock bright, bleached blonde like california but her hips belonged to a goddess and i would remain content for the rest of my commute if we said not a word to each other, only kisses for half a moment for me to press her lips into mind and glide my hands down those hips to grasp the bulk of her buttocks and hold her muscle alive and warm and real in my hands for a lifetime, but the chance never does come and my stop is too soon approaching.